Flower power

At a marriage workshop, the speaker remarks that many couples are so disconnected that 85 per cent of husbands do not know what their wives’ favourite flower is. One man turns to his wife and whispers, “It’s self-raising, right?”

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Beauty of the Day

Agree to disagree?

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up. The judge asked the husband, "What has brought you to this point, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?"

The husband said, "In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing."

The wife said, "No, its seven weeks."

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Make this Christmas pudding

Beauty of the Day

What is marriage without quarrel?

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."  

Beauty of the Day

Taming The Wife

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had told their new wives what their household duties were to be.

The first man had married a woman from Tennessee. He bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done.

The second man had married a woman from Florida. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Long Island. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, find a cleaning lady, and telephone a landscaper.

Here is a beautiful article: Being a woman

Beauty of the day

Marry me

Frank was madly in love with Susan, but couldn’t get up enough courage to pop the question face to face. Finally he decided to ask her on the telephone. “Darling! He blurted out, “Will you marry me?”

“Of course, I will, you silly boy,” she replied, “Who’s speaking?”

My beautiful body

Beauty of the Day

Grass is Greener?

Diana, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, 'Do you see that couple? 

How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?'

'I would love to do that,' replied Diana's husband, 'but the problem is..........she won't let me.'

My Beautiful Body

Beauty of the Day

You Can Hurry Love

A young man and his pretty bride rush in to see their minister at the church.

"We want to get married, Reverend. Here are all our papers, and these two people are our witnesses. Can you please do a quick ceremony?"

The minister is amused. He marries the two love birds, takes his money but then hesitates and asks, "I know you two are in love, but I would be remiss not to caution you that it is not wise to marry in a hurry. Why are you two in such a rush anyway?"

Rushing his new wife out before him the young man runs into the street shouting over his shoulder "Because we are parked in a 'no standing' zone!"

Beauty of the Day

Marriage Is About Celebration

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

“Let’s have a party, Ralph,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.”

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. “Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”

Beauty of the Day

Anything For Love

A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride.

His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle.

Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice.

"Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I can't satisfy her. What can I do?"

The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, "Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer and ultimately satisfy her."

"Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help."

Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when he arrived home.

"Be prepared, my darling. I'm going to ravish you," she cooed over the phone.

Undaunted, the man decided to follow the doctor's advice. But where? In the office? The Xerox room? What if someone walked in on him?

He got in his truck and began the journey home. Soon he decided he would find a spot on the road to pull over, climb underneath the truck and pretend to be inspecting the rear axle, and do the deed there.

A moment later, he pulled over, crawled beneath the truck, closed his eyes tightly, fantasized about his young wife, and began his "therapy".

A few minutes later, just as he was about to complete his therapy session, he felt someone tugging on his pants leg. Keeping his eyes tightly shut to avoid ruining the fantasy he was enjoying, he said, "Yes?"

"Sir, I'm with the Police Department. Could you tell me what you are doing, please?" said the officer.

"Yes, officer, I'm inspecting my truck's rear axle," he replied confidently.

"Well, why don't you check the brakes while you're down there. Your truck rolled down the hill a few minutes ago."

Jenny Love

Beauty of the Day

Dealing with Angry Wife

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'Lets do it!'

....and she's always sound asleep.

Jenny Love

Beauty of the Day

Good Basis for Marriage?

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up.

'Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship, 'the wife explained.' He was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts. He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening.'

Jenny Love

Beauty of the Day

Marriage Counselling

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up.

"Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained.

"She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts. She communicates well and I act like I'm listening."

Beauty of the Day

Unlucky

The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.  When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"

"What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck. Get out."

Beauty of the Day